Monthly Archives: November 2011

Ambien Adventures

Kids,  don’t try this at home.  The prescription drug Ambien has been a cause for concern for people for some time now.  People have reported having hallucinations and other side effects.  Abien is normally prescribed as a sleeping pill, usually just to help people who have trouble falling asleep.  As far as I know, this is why my doctor prescribed it for me.  However, Wikipedia, the Internet research tool for people who don’t care if stuff is true or not, says it can be used to treat “some brain disorders,” so maybe there is something they are not telling me.

Be that as it may, this summer I had an Ambien adventure of my own.  I was traveling from Nebraska to Virginia, and I stopped for the night in Breezewood, PA, a town that is famous as an  entrance and exit on the Pennsylvania Turnpike and nothing else. There’s also a Dunkin’ Donut shop there.

You probably don’t know this, but the town in Nebraska where I used to live did not have even one donut shop for years.  They had a DD, but it burned down and was never rebuilt.  And nothing  else has been able to take hold there. One of those Crispy Creme places tried for awhile but ended up closing down.  Now I ask you:  what kind  of town is it that can’t support one lousey donut shop?

So there I was – in a motel across the street from a Dunkin’ Donuts, which seriously has to be the best donut in the entire world, and I did not give into temptation but took my medicine and went to bed.

That night I dreamed I got into my car and drove across the street and bought a half dozen cake donuts, three of them chocolate covered and three of them plain.  Then, in the dream, I drove back to the motel and proceeded to devour all six of them.  It was a great dream.

The next morning I awoke to find an empty Dunkin Donuts box on the bedside table. In my Abien aided sleep, I had actually gone out to my car, driven  over to the DD, purchased my donuts, driven my car back to the motel, and eaten them.  While I was asleep!  I’m going to have to assume I got dressed and undressed before and after this shopping trip becaue  I don’t remember getting arrested for driving in my underwear.  So, kids, this cautionary tale comes with a moral:  Drugs are bad, just say no, and never eat donuts in your sleep.

Killer Cat Terrorizes Blogger

Take a good look at this beast.  If you see this creature walking around  loose, approach him with extreme caution.   Better yet, inform the local police and avoid this mad killer, if at all possible.  Sure, I can hear what you’re saying– he looks like a sweet, harmless little kitty, probably named Fluffy or Snowball or  something.  But I can tell  you that he is a complete psychopath.  He likes to lay in wait for his next victim  and then spring out of hiding and  attack!!!  He also likes to wait under your desk until you are sitting at your  computer, and then he sneaks up on you  and bites you on your bare feet.  Of course, if you wear shoes all of the time,  this will stop him.  However, since he  also likes to bite the  occasional toe that sticks out from under the covers at night, this wearing shoes idea might  not be the final solution, especially if you don’t sleep by yourself — or if you don’t sleep by yourself,  yet, because you will if you wear shoes to bed.

It doesn’t matter because this horrible little creature will probably laugh his evil cat laugh “MEEE-HAAA HAAA HAAA,” and attack you some  more.  I researched this on the Internet  and the consensus seems to be that the poor animal is suffering from neglect  and just needs more attention from his master.  Fur balls!!  This is  two-for-a-nickel cat psychology that will only end with you covered in scars  from head to foot.

The only way to end this madness is to give the cat the  house or apartment you live in and go live under a bridge somewhere.   Trust me, you will thank me later.  Sleeping under a nice dry bridge has got to  be better than sleeping in shoes or — ouch!! — sleeping next to someone who does. Run for your life!!!

Netflix Shares Sink

The other day I saw a headline that read “Netflix Shares Sink.”  I didn’t read the article, but I was very pleased for Netflix and I bet they are very happy. I know that this is a problem that some people have had for many years.   Some people squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom and some people  squeeze it from the middle or (shudder) the top. Some couples fight about the other person’s mess, others fight about territory. Some solve the problem by having two sinks in the bathroom, others  have solved the problem by always living in places that have two bathrooms.  When you have two bathrooms you have peace.  But it seems that Netflix has found a way to live with someone and not have this problem.  I wish they would tell the rest of us how they do it.  Imagine!  They are sharing a sink!  I wonder how they do it.  And the poor people are having financial problems on top of everything.  This shows you that no matter how bad things get, you can always rise above your problems and learn to share.  Bravo, Netflix!  And God speed.