Take a good look at this beast. If you see this creature walking around loose, approach him with extreme caution. Better yet, inform the local police and avoid this mad killer, if at all possible. Sure, I can hear what you’re saying– he looks like a sweet, harmless little kitty, probably named Fluffy or Snowball or something. But I can tell you that he is a complete psychopath. He likes to lay in wait for his next victim and then spring out of hiding and attack!!! He also likes to wait under your desk until you are sitting at your computer, and then he sneaks up on you and bites you on your bare feet. Of course, if you wear shoes all of the time, this will stop him. However, since he also likes to bite the occasional toe that sticks out from under the covers at night, this wearing shoes idea might not be the final solution, especially if you don’t sleep by yourself — or if you don’t sleep by yourself, yet, because you will if you wear shoes to bed.
It doesn’t matter because this horrible little creature will probably laugh his evil cat laugh “MEEE-HAAA HAAA HAAA,” and attack you some more. I researched this on the Internet and the consensus seems to be that the poor animal is suffering from neglect and just needs more attention from his master. Fur balls!! This is two-for-a-nickel cat psychology that will only end with you covered in scars from head to foot.
The only way to end this madness is to give the cat the house or apartment you live in and go live under a bridge somewhere. Trust me, you will thank me later. Sleeping under a nice dry bridge has got to be better than sleeping in shoes or — ouch!! — sleeping next to someone who does. Run for your life!!!